User blog:Colorband/Ehrhardt-McMullen Productions: The Men's Week Interview: Part 1: The Beginning:

The following is a excerpt from the Men's Week issue dated 31 August 2021.

Nancouver. This once-sleepy town seemingly transformed overnight into the land of the stars. Nowadays, you'd be hardpressed to find a corner of the town that isn't being currently used to shoot the latest Omega or Orbit blockbuster. But somewhere, in a place far removed from all the glitz and glamour, there's a nondescript brick building on a street corner.

Those gossippers with sharp tongues claim that it's so far away because it's the home of the "Electromagnetic Pulse" - a force that repels all good scripts from the vicinity. That Ehrhardt/McMullen Productions' name starts with those 3 characters is, seemingly, a coincidence - although EMcP (as they've always preferred to be referred to as) always get the last laugh when their latest SuperSpeed film ends up topping the box office the weekend of release. To celebrate 35 years of their partnership - and because film production has slowed to a halt because of the COVID-19 pandemic ("We had to shut down all work on the latest Cezanne flick," McMullen laments) - Alfonzo "Al" Ehrhardt and Shawn McMullen agreed to pull back the curtain a bit and talk about their past, present, and future.

'''35 years is a hell of a long time to spend making films together. How do you fellas feel after all that time?'''

Alfonzo Ehrhardt: Me, personally? I feel like I need a very stiff drink.

Shawn McMullen: I'm just glad I'm still standing here! I mean... not literally, but...

'''You guys had to have met somewhere, right? Why don't you tell us how it all started?'''

Mc: Oh, Al will talk about that-

E: -'til the cows come home, baby. Love to tell a good story. Me and Shawn were both students at the NUK, and if I remember, he-

Mc: I was doing a arts' degree. I wanted to get into sculpture creation.

E: And I was working on my business degree. Nightclubs were where it was at, and I wanted to be where it was at.

Mc: Did you ever want goons?

E: What goons? Like the Goon Show?

Mc: Goons, like paid goons.

E: Oh, like they'd-

Mc: Mm-hmm.

E: (makes punching noises) And they'd kick the b******'s a** out. Yeah, I probably... wanted to get goons.

Er, fellas?

Mc: Oh, sorry!

E: We can swear, right?

It'll just be censored, anyways.

E: F*** yeah.

Mc: Well, that's a relief to hear. Al?

E: Oh, right. So, clearly, with one of us wanting to f*** around with concrete the rest of his life, and the other wanting to do something actually productive with his, we travelled in different social circles. But there was one thing I did that everyone wanted to be at.

And those were the Kaintor U Movie Nights, right?

E: Listen here, kid, this was before those b******s got their greasy mits on it. It was just me and the VCR in my dormatory.

Mc: Anyways, it was 1984, I think, and I'd finally got the gumption to-

E: "Got the gumption"? Have I ever told you how much you sound like a cheap comic book?

Mc: Five times today. I'd finally got the gumption to go to one of his movie nights - socialization isn't my strongest point - and promptly made my way there.

E: The place was packed that night. The walls, the beds - literally every square inch was filled with a person. Sometimes two. They were all crowded around my small-a** Trinitron like there was no tomorrow, watching... Shawn, what were they watching?

Mc: Huh?

E: The film. They were watching.

Mc: Didn't you...?

E: 37 years, Shawn. I don't remember what cocktail I drank last night - you think I'll remember what tape I'd rented?

Mc: ...S***, I'm drawing a blank. It was something pretty cheap, though. It was definitely a film you liked.

E: That's for d*** sure. And they were eating it up. Granted, this was after a few drinks, but...

Mc: But then, campus police showed up.

E: So they did, so they did. Some b****** must've snitched, because they were on us quicker than flies on s*** an hour into the film. Absolute chaos, I'm having some herbal refreshment on my couch, and I remember this thin... weedy guy, being buffeted by all the... all the cops.

Mc: And it was hell, too. Thankfully, the Solo cup I'd grabbed didn't have any liquid, so I didn't need to use the laundromat the next day.

E: Didn't need to... what?

Mc: Didn't you know? The day after that, demand for the on-campus laundromat was the highest it had ever been.

E: So you remember that, but not the film. I see how it is. So anyways, he's being thrown around, all our fellow students are being thrown out, and soon, we're the only two people left in the room.

Mc: Al tried to keep a hold on some girl he'd just met, but it... it just didn't happen.

E: Hey, I eventually found Darla again! 30 years with her, for cryin' out loud!

Mc: This is film history, not marriage history, Al. Anyways, we're the only ones left, and I've soon managed to haul my scrawny butt over there and talk to Al, and I said... I said-

E: "That film stunk on ice! Total dogs***" - I may be taking some liberties here - "but you could tell whoever made it felt pride in what they'd done."

Mc: Word for word... more or less! How did you remember that?

E: Because those were the words that led me to 35 years of joy and misery.

Mc: Always an exaggerator, Al. And yeah, I said that to him, and then I told him this. "This is only going to get bigger. You know that, right?"

E: The era of the camcorder was just upon us. We didn't suspect that there'd be thousands of people on this planet "wasting their lives making s***," as Ed Wood-

Mc: Isn't it Ted Wood?

E: No. Why's everything always got to sound off with you? You garble everything - I mean, who says "Atlansia" with an M?

Mc: I... don't like to speak. I prefer to let my productions speak for me.

E: Yeah, and look where that's got you. But yeah, thousands of people, all making B-movies - and we could see them, all lining up, wanting us to help them finance their dreams... and take a hefty cut off the top for the privilege. We dropped out the next day.